Gwenhwyfar Frazier
Women get bossed around a lot by the patriarchy. Like, from birth. We’re told all the time what we should look like, act like, think(!) like, f—k or make love like, even what we should sound like. But we’re also told what we should find attractive in a partner. Eventually, it gets to be a bit much. So, when Redditor u/Ryouconfusedyett asked:
“Which conventionally attractive features aren’t your thing?”
Many women were only too glad to share what features they’ve been told are important but that they truly don’t care about at all.
Your mileage may vary, of course. Everyone’s individual preferences are different. But it was eye-opening to hear women say what “must-have” qualities they actually don’t want in their romantic or sexual partners (which of course isn’t limited to just men, but obviously also includes women and nonbinary folx).
1. Tallness (for men and the masculine-presenting)
“Everybody on dating apps says they are 6-2 or taller and I’m like…ok well we can never kiss each other standing up unless I have a box or you are going to fold in half lol”
—Plant_Lady14573
2. Petiteness (for women and femmes)
“It’s a two way street on height-hate.
Tall women get rejected for being too giant! Or a suggestion of not feminine enough.
It’s embarrassing when men who claim to be 6ft show up to the date shorter than the woman who made no such claim of 6ftedness – whoops. Just own your height. It’s not changeable! I dont care how tall you are.”
—ingululu
3. Muscles
“I’ve found hardcore gym rats in general to be extremely boring. They don’t/can’t talk about anything except how much they lift, bro, and protein powder. I’ll cheerfully exchange six-pack abs for love handles + interesting conversation.”
—AMB573
4. Fitness
“… ‘gym rats’ usually have an addiction to the gym, sometimes to the point where not much else matters, whether it be their other hobbies, job, women, none of that matters to them, and most of what they look forward to is simply their next workout. I know because I’ve been that guy for a small period of time and have known some other people like that, it is an addiction and like dating any other person with a serious addiction it isn’t usually that great.”
—Hmmokaythen12
5. Blue eyes
“I really love brown eyes so blue eyes, gray eyes, green eyes aren’t that attractive to me. There’s this woman at my job who has these big blue eyes and she’ll just stare deeply at me when she talks. Creeps me out a little, like she’s Gollum bout to rock me over a ring.”
—becauseyouneedone
6. Other European-dictated beauty standards, such as blond hair or a “perfect” nose
“I have never thought someone was more attractive as a blonde than with darker hair. Some people are fine with either, but every time a blonde goes darker, I’m amazed at how much better they look. And as someone else mentioned blondes are usually fake—totally fine to not be natural, do whatever you want—but it boggles my mind how many people constantly choose to go blonde.”
—misguidedsquid
7. Fancy car(s)
“I know a lot of girls love a guy with a nice car but I hate it. If he’s got an Audi I’m fucking outie”
—innocentsubterfuge
8. Polo shirts (for men and the masculine-presenting, especially)
“In men: polo shirts are a nono. Judgemental or alpha attitudes are gross, too. I hate guys that look like they smell like shower gel and laundry soap. I don’t know if that makes sense.”
—Gothjoose
9. Being rail thin (for women and femmes)
“for women: thigh gaps, or just being thin in general. they are pretty, don’t get me wrong, I understand why people would be attracted to them or how they are eye candy to many. however, I love when women have chubby thighs, curves, just the healthy meaty girl look in general. it’s so pretty.”
—cwumchi
10. Rocking perfect (or any) makeup at all times
“In Women: I’ll take flak, but I think fake eyelashes, nails, and the current heavy makeup trends look really awful. I have a hard time taking a person who looks like that seriously, unless they’re performing.”
—Gothjoose
11. Big lips
“Big lips. Enough to smooch on is nice but I don’t like the fish lips people end up with after even a little bit of filler”
—suddendiligence
12. Huge ????
“Huge penises.”
—jeepkat4011
13. Huge ???? or ????????
“Huge breasts and huge butts.”
—smashmyburger
14. Beards
“I HATE beards! I like facial hair that isn’t much longer than buzzed cut hair, but anything longer is a big turn off for me.”
—souponastick
15. Body hair
“I don’t like hairy men.”
—VivaLaSea
16. No body hair
“I really don’t get the adolescent look… It seems like people drool over men and women who look like they’re barely 18.”
—CoffeeAndPizzaRolls
17. Trendy haircuts
“whatever haircut’s trendy, you’re like clones”
—2-Minute-Ad
18. “Perfect” teeth
“Straight, pearly white teeth.”
—MyButtcrackItches
19. “Commanding leader” personality type
“I personally am not into the outspoken-confident type. I know it’s a great way to be seen in a room and get promotions, etc., but those types of people bother me so much because they’re usually ‘rarely wrong’ and can be a lot.”
—Justalilhornytbh
20. Bland good looks.
“I generally more attracted to people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive, and I can not explain why. Like…I can see that Brad Pitt is exceptionally beautiful, but if given the choice I would always go for a man like Nick Cave or Jack Black or something. I find their looks to be more interesting to look at.”
—anebje