Patricia Grisafi
It’s an unfortunate fact that there are still men in the world who are both perplexed and terrified by periods. A period is a bodily process that most women cannot escape; it’s natural and normal and inconvenient, but not a big deal at all. Still, period stigma exists all over the world to this day, and it’s especially unfortunate when period stigma is perpetuated by a father who is raising a daughter.
On Reddit, one such father actually makes his 15-year-old daughter do chores for her “monthly supplies” because he considers them an expense that she must pay him back for.
Because pads and tampons are FUN and any period-having adolescent would be thrilled to use their chore money to buy them instead of, I don’t know, a book or a fancy sandwich or whatever floats your boat. By the way, this man is off his f*cking rocker, so this thread is a bonfire.
“I (50M) lost my wife ten years ago. It’s just me and my two kids N (17M) and E (F15), recently it caused a big stink with some family that my daughter does chores, but my son does not. I explained it’s because I have to spend extra on my daughter each month not only for her extracurriculars but for her monthly supplies, so it‘s my way of having her pay me back,” the OP explained like this is totally normal.
“She cleans the shared living spaces and bathrooms in our apartment and cooks four meals a week. My brother said I spend twice as much on my sons extra curriculars and by my logic, he should have to do chores too. I explained he didn’t because I feel his could help him get into college but hers were just a hobby in my opinion.”
“E overheard me say this and was very upset. She started refusing to do chores because it isn’t fair. I told her she’d still be doing her chores and life isn’t fair so stop being a brat, or I’d refuse to pay for her extra curricular stuff or pads. I wouldn’t actually do that, but I was mad when I said it. She packed a bag and took off. She’s been staying with my sister who called me an abusive asshole when I demanded she send E home. My brother and sister are coddling her and I’m furious. N said I was being an asshole to E and that’s why she left. I’m completely fed up with the whole thing. AITA for expecting her to do chores?”
How can a father be so awful?
“YTA. Not for expecting your child(ren) to pitch in around the house, but for the sexism and the godawful manner you’ve approached this with. Withholding pads from a teenage girl as punishment? What? Expecting your son will go to college, but basically writing her off? The 50s called, they don’t want you either,” said ItsGoodToChalk.
“He’s really combing with a fine-toothed comb to justify treating his daughter like an indentured servant. He’s “pink taxing” her existence. Threatening to compromise her basic sanitary needs is beyond atrocious and dehumanizing. Lack of access to sanitary products for menstruation is literally a matter of human rights – and ensuring your children have their basic needs taken care of is basic parenting. Furthermore, minimum wage is $7.25. A big box of tampons (40) usually lasts me 2 periods and costs $7.99 at Target. Deep cleaning a bathroom – scrubbing toilets, tubs, etc., takes 45 minutes for me. She should invoice him for every penny of the HOURS of additional chores for $5/month. Thousands upon thousands of dollars. A dance/choir scholarship is also actually significantly more likely than a sports scholarship. Colleges look for well-rounded applicants. The fact that he spends HALF OF what he spends on his son for a 6.5% chance that he’ll get a scholarship for it is rolling a very sexist dice. What happens when E gets the scholarship, and N doesn’t? Will he be cutting her a check for her indentured servanthood, of offering more advice like ‘life’s not fair, and I don’t really love you.’ Furthermore, he’s doing no favors for N, who now has no life skills. Everyone should know how to cook. Everyone should know how to clean. Now he’s also going to be dumping this lack of life skills onto his son’s future partners. The worst part about all of this is that what he’s taught his daughter is that love from men is transactional – and she should expect to be treated with contempt and blatant disrespect for the basic functions of her body, that she should be devalued for her passions,” explained kajamae.
“Both kids have extra curricular. Both kids cost you money. It just sounds like your playing favorites and devaluing your own daughters activities. You daughter will learn to resent you. How dare you threaten and name call your own daughter. You criticize her for acting out, but it’s okay for YOU to act ‘like a brat?’ I don’t care if you were ‘mad at the time.’ You’re 50 so act like it. If you can’t parent without name calling and threatening then you shouldn’t be a parent,” said yupitsnoone.
“Threatening to not pay for her pads ? No wonder she left. As her father you’re supposed to supply for her basic needs and this is definitely not a grounding subject. You’re not expecting your daughter to do basic chores, you’re expecting she handle a big part of the house while you’re not asking your son anything ? A kid doesn’t have to repay his/her parents. Think of the example you’re giving your son : women do chores and men’s hobbies are more valid because it might give you a shot to college / a better job. Your family is 100% right to snap at you and to protect the girl, and I hope you make your son do chores at some point. Chores isn’t a kind of money, chores is just respect because you live there, and it’s a crucial thing to learn as a kid to know how to handle a home as an adult. You’re not doing your kids a favor, and if you care about your daughter, please do apologize a lot and make things fair (which mean equal chores for both of them),” advised felinora99.
“You are the biggest **shole I’ve seen here. That’s sexism. And saying you wouldn’t buy her pads?! That’s a BASIC F**KING RIGHT. She goes through something that sucks a** every month and you threatened to take away the things she needs? You have no idea what she goes through. 100 dollars says if your precious son wanted money to buy condoms it would be a different story. And to make her do all the chores because they’re ‘hobbies.’ Bullsh*t. Absolutely. Bullsh*t. You just don’t value what she does so you look down on her for it. You’re a sexist a**hole and I hope your daughter stays away. She’s not being coddled, she’s probably finally being treated equal,” said wtfamidoingheredude.
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