Working as a 911 operator must be incredibly stressful. Imagine—you’re responsible for saving lives every day.
That doesn’t mean that 911 operators don’t get to have some laughs, though.
And let’s just say that there are more than a fair share of sexy times that have gone wrong. Oh, and at least one chupacabra sighting.
“One time a guy called in while I was training and stated he had cut his penis. When I answered you cut your penis?! The trainer smacked me on the arm and told me he said he’d cut his hand. She looked at me like the biggest pervert! Then 10 seconds later into the conversation he says, ‘Yeah I was trying on a rubber that was too small and I had to cut it off so I cut right into my penis!’ She almost couldn’t stop herself from laughing.'” — macmartijp14
“My dad used to be in charge of the 911 call center. One particular story I remember was in like 2009 some guy called asking how much weed he could have in his car while driving through the state. They went back and forth for maybe 20 minutes of the guy repeating and rephrasing the question and my dad just responding ‘none.'” — FarmerExternal
“I had a guy call in on 911 because he was concerned about a seagull he thought was injured in a Chipotle restaurant parking lot. Apparently while on the phone, he tried to pick up or check on the bird at which point the bird started squawking, then he started freaking out and I started having trouble telling them apart. Then there I could hear what might have been wings flapping, a brief silence, and suddenly the guy started hyperventilating and screaming he needed an ambulance because he was having a heart attack and that the bird flew off. I wasn’t sure if he was being serious so I got him over to EMS as a precaution. Upon transfer and getting EMS on the line he got very quiet and said, ‘I think I’m okay, I’ll call you back later,’ and hung up and would not answer on callback.” — indigofoxgivesnofox
“I briefly worked as a 911 operator. When someone called on the non- emergency line we always answered the same way- ‘Blank police and fire this is a recorded line, how can I help you?’ We get a call on that line, I answer as usual and a very inebriated sounding woman asks the following: ‘Hypothetically speaking if my boyfriend had a few grams of cocaine and I called the police to tell them about it would either of us get into any trouble?’ ‘Ma’am you’re calling the police on a recorded line.’ ‘I know, but what does the law say?’ ‘I don’t know ma’am, I’m not a police officer, would you like me to send one?’ ‘Yes please.’ She gives me her address, an officer responded but there were no arrests. That one had me scratching my head.” — Yossarians_moan
“Caller called because they got their head stuck in a cat tree. With the cat stuck inside with it. Throughout the call I kept hearing like ‘ow, fuck’ and ‘dude this isn’t fun for me either’ ‘dude, I know f**k!’ ‘dude!’… Caller ended up going to the hospital for a minor case of serious head lacerations. Ok I don’t really know the severity but I’m sure they got some stitches. The other cool thing was that the caller was using an apple watch to call 911 because obviously they wouldn’t be able to hold the phone to their ear. We get about a dozen misdials from apple watches a day, it was nice to finally see one being used for ‘real.'” — Razvee
“Numerous calls where someone has handcuffed themself to a SO during coitus and lost the key (if it’s not busy this seems to draw most available officers).” — nineunouno
“I just certified as a call taker and got mandated for overtime (of course) on my first shift. Policy was if someone insisted they saw something we take it as face value and enter the call. Well this lady called me just after midnight and swore she saw a chupacabra on the west side of Orlando and Insisted in an officer doing an area check. Not too long after that a coworker was in on his night off and left the building. He called 2 mins later saying he saw a kangaroo hopping down the street. I can’t make this s**t up.” — Brent_L
“When I was a Fire dispatcher, I had to send a Squad to remove a cock ring. So there’s that.” — bravosarah
“Had a grown man calling in about ‘a monster trying to get into his son’s room’…he’s the right kind of frantic where I KNOW it’s not a mental health crisis, but I still couldn’t figure it out. Well, he’s a middle Eastern male with a real thick accent and I was having a hard time understanding, so he gave the phone to his son. The monster had climbed a tree and was at his bedroom window. And it was as big as his dog. And it has hands like him but tiny…Wait, what ? Right there I told the kid to see if it had rings on his tail…Yes…They had just moved to America a month ago, and had never heard of raccoons. I couldn’t mute myself fast enough, and the father heard me laughing. I think that’s what helped calm him down. I explained what a trash panda was and welcomed him to our wild jungle.” — asportate
“A man requiring extrication from an Under Armor insulated shirt. His shoulder popped out of the socket while he was pulling it on, it was halfway on/halfway off and his arm was locked and dislocated. Edited to add (so you don’t think I’m awful) HE was laughing, and said, ‘I would have driven myself to the hospital but I would have had to drive with my arm out the window!'” — Dispatcher12
“A little kid called 911 because he wanted the cops to come arrest his brother. You see, their mom said that the caller’s brother was supposed to share the legos, but he wasn’t sharing. The caller’s brother said that he was playing with all of the legos, which wasn’t possible. There were too many legos for one person to play with all of them at once, argued our caller. Therefore, his brother was a liar, a jerk, and a turd and we needed to come and arrest him. We had a high degree of confidence that this wasn’t a coded request for help, so we asked to speak to an adult- confirmed that there was no distress and closed the case. Share your legos, kids. PS: If your kid ever calls 911, don’t get mad at them. We want them to call 911 if they think they should. We would much rather have them call 911 for something silly than have them not call when they should because they’re afraid they’ll get in trouble.” — WatchTheBoom
“A frazzled mother called cause her six year old had gotten into the roof and she couldn’t get him down. She kept screaming about how we need to hurry…not because she was worried he would get hurt, but because he had done [it] before and last time he peed in the air vents.” — VagabondPTA
“Lady called in because she thought Willie Nelson was having a cardiac arrest in her trailer, and she needed an ambulance. I started giving her CPR instructions, and come to find out when paramedics got there, she was doing compressions on the couch cushions.” — Dethmonger
“Not me but my wife who works both as a secretary for a fire department and is a volunteer fire fighter/emt. A lady calls asking if she can donate a building for a training burn in. After asking questions she finds out it’s not a building but an RV. More questions. It’s not her RV, it was abandoned on her property. Just a few more questions. It’s not exactly abandoned. It’s her ex-husbands RV. And he’s living in it and won’t leave. She wants my wife’s fire department to burn it down. Wife’s fire department declined.” — Camoern
“I don’t know if this counts as ‘funny.’ I’m from a small town. Everyone knows everyone. My uncle Jim is a cop. All the dispatchers and first responders know my grandma pretty well. One day, my uncle was working on something electrical in the basement. He was shocked. He was unconscious, but he ended up being fine. My grandma called 911, and screamed into the phone, ‘Vee! It’s Kate! Jimmy’s been shocked!’ What Vee, the dispatcher, heard was, ‘Jimmy’s been shot!’ Every single police officer, sheriff’s deputy, EMS, paramedic, firefighter, and park ranger in town arrived at my grandma’s house. My uncle was super confused and embarrassed.” — Nobodys_Perfect96
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