Imagine having two chefs in your family. Total win! One works at a French restaurant and the other works at a Chinese restaurant. I would seriously look forward to get-togethers with that kind of dinner. Unfortunately, that’s not the whole story.
One Redditor, the chef at the Chinese restaurant, explains in an AITA post that his SIL, the chef at the French restaurant, is a snob and calls her racist.
Her anti-Asian racism finally got her in trouble at work, but the OP has been quietly dealing with her at-home racism and snobbery for years.
“For context: I’ve been married to my wife for ~10 years and we’re a mixed-race couple (I’m Asian and she’s Caucasian). I’ve gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (S—h) never liked me. I’m a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I’ve been explicitly told I’ll be the next executive chef. S—h is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain.”
“Whenever I’m at my MIL and FIL’s house and helping out in the kitchen, S—h is always criticizing everything I do. Whether it’s chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like ‘Umm, I think you should actually do X like this…’ I’ve been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like ‘Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to the way I do it.'”
A few weeks ago, the OP was working on preparing a meal for his MIL’s birthday. S—h walked in, observed, and started criticizing the OP. The OP told her to stop, that he’s also a chef like her. She laughed at him and said ‘making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn’t count.'”
“The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled ‘S—H WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.’ I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her ‘a racist piece of sh*t,’ apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife. Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/S—h saying ‘it was a joke but kind of true’ and that I was ‘being too sensitive.'”
Despite being on his side, the OP’s wife is begging him to apologize, but the OP refuses.
To intensify the situation, some of S—h’s coworkers found this Reddit post and identified her—and then she was demoted at work:
“Apparently some of her co-workers have her on FB and showed the post to management, which combined with her earlier rant, double whammied her back to being a line cook and now she might get fired. My wife told her to go f*ck herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from S—h and reading some of the comments here. My wife is still the opposite of happy though…”
The OP’s FIL also threatened him if he didn’t take down the post:
“Was considering removing but I just got a voicemail from my FIL that ‘[my] presence was only being tolerated up until this point’ and threatened a ‘world of hurt’ if I didn’t delete this post.”
Now, the OP’s post has become the battleground for a family war:
“Wife called MIL and asked her WTF was going on with FIL. MIL was confused so my wife played back the voicemail I had on my phone and apparently my MIL literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at FIL. Facebook post has now devolved into a clusterf*ck flame war with family and friends jumping in.”
The OP posted another update saying his SIL was forced to quit her job but he’s trying to help her find a new one:
“According to my MIL, S—h came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)… they’re partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn’t want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won’t say any further for privacy).
Word also got around in the local industry, and S—h is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She’s now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don’t like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn’t intend for this to happen so I’ve reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take it is up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either – but I still want to be a decent person to her).”
Racism is unacceptable and the OP has every right to talk in a public space about the racism he has experienced. What do Redditors think he should do, and should that even include trying to work things out with his racist in-laws?
“NTA, ‘cooking asian food doesn’t count as cooking’ IS racist, incredibly uncalled for, and shows how much of an entitled know-it-all S—h is. Glad most people over there are on your side, but yeah, don’t apologize when you did nothing wrong,” said Mephisto131.
“If S—h is in trouble at work for her rant, that’s on her. Totally on her. Her probably racist rant is something her bosses and coworkers don’t want to encourage. You are not responsible for her racism. Don’t back down, don’t apologize. You know as well as I and many others do, that it is unacceptable and inappropriate to call racism “a joke.” It is categorically not a joke and S—h and FIL badly needed a wake up call. And racism directed at Asians is at an all time miserable and disgusting high. Why is it that the recipient of the abuse is always the one asked to apologize to keep the peace? Go as low contact as you can with S—h. And by the way, I’d rather go to your restaurant a million times than S—h’s probably snooty restaurant once,” said SophieCdog.
“OP, I’m very disappointed in your wife. Her reaction is kinda worse than S—h’s because she’s your WIFE and doesn’t have your back. You did EXACTLY what you needed to do and please don’t stop. Never allow a racist to get away with that sh*t. Please show your wife this post. I hope she realizes how wrong she is because supporting a racist means, well, you too are racist,” noted Tapioca44.
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