Alison Sullivan
The temptation to lie as parents to get your kids to behave, or even just because it’s fun, must be so astronomically high. The only problem is that kids remember the stuff their parents tell them, especially when it’s really alarming. At some point, those lies will be exposed or come back to haunt you. Hopefully, they’re funnier than upsetting, which a lot of the replies to u/bordemstirs‘ r/AskReddit post are.
“What is the most ridiculous/f-cked up lie your parents told you?” they asked.
Now we can laugh at a dad lying about how chickens have sex or the existence of Tooth Goblins, but at the time, these lies were probably pretty scary! So enjoy them with a little shame and feel like a kid again.
1.
My dad got fed up of watching Barney the dinosaur when I was a kid, and one day when I asked to watch it, he said:
“You can’t”
“Why?”
“Because Barney died”
I never did watch Barney again. —b14nn
2.
That if I didn’t brush my teeth, tiny teeth goblins would sneak into my room at night and pull out my teeth while I slept. I was genuinely afraid of the teeth goblins. —tomorrowistomato
3.
When I was little, my mom told me if I didn’t finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain. —DragonStangFlyer122
4.
my mum once told me not to sleep on my left cos that causes pressure on your heart. Not sure how true that was but I was nervous for years whenever I had to sleep on my left side. —ManySleeplessNights
5.
That my siblings and I had a sister named Alice. Apparently she wouldn’t stop talking in the car so they dropped her off on the side of the road.. never spoke on road trips ever again. —jaykayhicks
6.
around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go “to infinity and beyond” to jump over other cars. he’d have us close our eyes and press the button and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic. —nopenonotatall
7.
When I was a kid my father told me about “the can”. He said it contained a family secret of incredible value, and that when I turned 18 I could see it. On my 18th birthday I asked my father about the can, he said “the fuck is the can?” and after I reminded him of it, he burst out laughing, saying that he was fucking with me.
For almost a decade I believed that I would be privy to some cosmic secret on my 18th birthday, turns out I’m just very impressionable. —chrismamo1
8.
We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me a few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them. He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don’t need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won’t be fertile and will never hatch.
-“But what can a rooster do to make it hatch?”
-“He picks the back of their necks”
-“Well I can do that with a needle every day!”
-“And then he farts in their butts..”
The worst part I remember is me running to my mom after we went home to tell her about my recent discovery……. —Rio1231233
9.
That my eyes turn orange when I lie. So I covered my eyes when I lied so my mom couldn’t see them turn fcking orange —NoseyRosey40
10.
That it’s illegal to turn the light on in the car while driving. —IamTheDanger6
11.
My birthday is the 11th of July. The gas station 7/11 gives away free slushies on 7/11. At 7, 8, & 9 years old my parents just told me that the 7/11 wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me —anypebble
12.
My parents told me we had to leave the zoo because they let the animals out at closing time —agrips1
13.
When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them. My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes.
Apparently, i was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didnt have feet. —SelfBoundBeaut
14.
If I eat too much Halloween candy I will turn into an Oompa Loompa. —EerieArizona
15.
That the music meant the truck was out of ice cream —fierian
16.
When my dad wanted me to stop bothering him he would send me on aimless errands.
“Go to the shed and get me the chain stretcher”.
I’d be looking for hours. —P-ssydestroyer885
17.
They told me kids came from a government agency called the CAA (Child Assignment Agency) and that they could exchange me when ever they want if I ever misbehaved. They told me they were eyeing a “well behaved little girl” but hadn’t decided yet. They used it against me for years. —Saturdead
18.
My cat died and my mom told me that he moved to Florida. —Affectionate-Bar-839
19.
My mum told me that she found me in the chicken aisle at sainsburys, in amongst the chickens, and decided to take me home. —BenSlaterrr
20.
Kinda a funny one. I grew up on a farm with cattle and we had 2 dogs. I had really bad allergies growing up and was allergic to everything with a fur coat but I still hugged our dogs and kept getting sick over it. So to prevent from hugging or playing with our dogs my mom told my that by doing so would make them want to chase cows and getting our cows worked up was a no no.
So I stop hugging with the dogs in order to make them stop chasing cows. Funny thing is that now when I bring that up my mom doesn’t even remember telling me that —KrisX8981
21.
Not really messed up but I was told that watermelon seeds would grow inside me and sprout out of my head if I swallowed them. Needless to say, I cried until I threw up when I accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds. —airpodwearer
