If you’re lucky, you have a spouse who helps with the children and supports you. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
A woman named Christine Koh recently wrote a Facebook post examining a mother’s tendencies to put herself last—and her post went viral as other mothers also began to reflect on whether or not they also tended to put their needs on the back burner to tend to their children and their partner.
“Today I saw a hubby questioning his wife angrily (in front of everyone in the foodcourt) because he couldn’t understand why his wife was always so slow in eating. The reason for his anger and frustration was because he no longer could handle both a baby in a carrier and a wailing toddler. Though the wife did not reply her hubby, you can tell that there was sadness through her eyes. Eventually, the hubby stormed off with the 2 kids, leaving the wife sitting there quietly to eat her dinner,” Koh wrote.
Then she thought about her own life in relation to the scene she witnessed.
“Why am I always the slowest? I usually neither dress up nor make up. I actually spend about an average of 10 mins on getting myself ready but an hour to get both my kids ready, including packing for them and my hubby. A mother is also usually the one who will subconsciously take the initiative to take on the role of feeding the kids so as to make sure all her love ones are fed first before herself. So to answer the hubby who posted this question to his wife, the reason why mothers are always the slowest is because we love our family so much that we will never put ourselves before our family.”
There are a lot of reasons why the mother might have been eating slowly (guess what, sneaky parents out there—it buys you some time to zone out). But often, moms are so exhausted from taking care of everyone first that they just need an extra minute. However, Koh explained to Bored Panda that she was more interested in having the experience be a learning moment for her two kids: “In the modern context, a lot of wonderful men have stepped up as a role as a father and are a great partner to support their wives in caregiving and chores.”
She also added that she believed people shared her post to “perhaps gain some understanding from our family (not just our partners, but even from our kids).”
Later, Koh explained she didn’t intend to shame the father in the scenario.
In a follow-up post she writes, “A split-second decision made in the heat of the moment reveals nothing about how the father thrives as a parent or as a spouse. My post does not paint the full picture. It was unfortunate that the father lost his temper in public and that the mother had to swallow her pride in sadness and silence. This has a struck a chord with many of us simply because rage is real and does not discriminate. It has happened to the best of us, including me.”
If you are a parent or caregiver, do you often find yourself lagging behind or being the last person to eat or shower or have a minute to yourself? Maybe you can use Koh’s post as a conversation starter and begin to explore the dynamics in your family.
Featured Image: Pexels