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People Are Sharing The Weird, Funny, Disturbing Lies Their Parents Told Them As Kids (17 Lies)

Sometimes, parents lie to their kids.

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It’s not the best tactic, but often it feels like there is no other way. Some lies are meant to encourage whimsy in a child’s life, like the story about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. But others are sometimes just desperate attempts to stop a kid from doing super annoying things, like playing with the light switch.

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On Reddit, people are sharing the lies their parents told them, and some are very wholesome while others are just flat-out disturbing.

1.

“My dad told me that every pickle you eat adds 5 minutes on your life. I was like 5 and damn did I ever take that to heart.” — covidongrounds

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2.

“I was told that Star Wars was real. Didn’t take too long to figure that one out.” — Pickle_Rick236

3.

“One time I was just chillin in my room and my dad walked in, looked at me and said, ‘son, you know if you masturbate too much you will die.’ And I was like, ‘umm okay dad cool.’ Then he walked out. Super weird lol.” — Nap_Nap

4.

“My dad tried to tell me that cars were run by hamsters on wheels under the gear shift, and they knew to run because the stick ended in a block of ice that would go on their backs. I was eight and asked him wtf he was talking about. He had been told this by his uncle and believed it, and was disappointed it didn’t work on me.” — Allredditorsarewomen

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5.

“I asked my dad where babies came from. He told me that he found me and my sisters in my mom’s cabbages. All he had to do was flip over the leaves and he saw our faces and pulled us out. My sisters and I spent hours looking for new babies.” — 1BoiledCabbage

6.

“Staring at the microwave could give you cancer.” — Springtrappity

7.

“If we couldn’t decide on a restaurant, my dad would tell us we’d better make up our minds quick or he’d take us to Vegetable World. I was like 11 before I realized it wasn’t a real restaurant. By golly, it worked until then though.” — Prossdog

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8.

“‘Don’t worry about paying for college, we’ll take care of the monthly payments: we’ll figure it out!’

Narrator: They didn’t.” — rugbyprop86

9.

“A friend told me their parents would take them to ‘the toy museum’ aka FAO Schwartz, and nothing is for sale there, they just display the toys.” — primalscreem

10.

“My dad has ridiculous cold tolerance. He’s the kind of guy that will be out in shorts and a t-shirt when it’s 36 °F outside. When I was six, I asked him how he was able to stand it, and he told me he just absorbed heat all summer long and stored it for the winter. He worked outdoors all summer, so it made perfect sense to six year old me.” — Moctor_Drignall

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11.

“That babies came when a man and a woman love each other soooo much. I once cried and told my teachers I was scared I’d have a baby with my dad because I love him so much…” — Useful_Mushroom6522

12.

“There’s a five-cent charge every time we touch the light switch so my brother and I were costing them a fortune every time we played with flickering the lights.” — Goldofsunshine

13.

“Asked my dad why most of his hair was missing. He told me that when he was young, his hair was so silky and soft, the fairies came in the night and pulled it out, strand by strand, to make silk curtains for their fairy palaces. Also, the reason he had a gold tooth was that he stopped one night to help a witch who was stuck by the side of the road with a broken broomstick. When he mended it for her, she cast a spell and gave him a golden tooth to say thank you. Don’t you dare say my pa was lying to me unless you can prove it.” — TOMSDOTTIR

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14.

“‘If I don’t go to work, I will be fired. Do you know what that means? It means they fire a gun at me and I die. That’s why I have to go to work.’ That ended up traumatizing me far more than my parents probably intended.” — polskiftw

15.

“I used to wear a bear costume like everyday when I was 5. One day, my mom already freakin’ tired of that costume told me it was ‘bear hunting season’ already and that it was no longer safe to go out dressed like that. The memory of she telling me that is forever locked in my memory now. I still to this day remember how reckless I felt for not having considered that…We still laugh about that lie.” — DasThrowawayen

16.

“One of the funniest ones was my dad used to tell me that if I swallowed bubble gum and farted then I would blow a bubble out of my butt and it could pop and make my butt sticky. Lmao! Classic dad joke, except I distinctly remember that he said this right after I had swallowed some gum and I repeatedly farted, hoping for a bubble to blow but alas, it never happened. And now bubble butt has a whole different meaning.” — JB_The_Dragon

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17.

“That my uncle got cancer from having lunchables for lunch at school. Like damn, just tell me we can’t afford it.” — Electronic-Ad3386

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