Alison Sullivan
This is one of the most controversial posts I’ve seen on r/AITA–hole in a while, and though the person who posted the story was eventually voted to be “not the a–hole,” maybe we should reconsider. Under the name u/00_throwaway9, the man writing asked, “AITA for calling my wife petty in front of her family for putting her maiden name on our son’s BC?”
BC stands for ‘birth certificate.’ The man explains he’s been married to his wife for three years but has a 16-year-old son from a previous marriage. He and his son’s grandparents contribute to a college fund for the teen. But his new wife was pregnant:
The problem started when my wife requested that I pull money from my son’s college fund to pay for a c-section in a private hospital. I declined her request and refused to even negotiate. She complained about how I didn’t seem to care about her or our son’s wellbeing even though there was nothing to worry about in terms of health.
Yes every medical procedure has it’s own risks but the local free hospitals we have are decent and offer great care. All family members and friends had their kids there. She disagreed and criticized the poor service local hospitals have and insisted that this was a big deal since it concerned both her and our son’s health. I tried assuring her saying she will be fine but she argued that I have no idea what it’s like and told me if I refuse to put money towards the cse then I shouldn’t be surprised when she put her maiden name on our son’s bc instead of my family’s name.
I refused as I saw no need to waste money on private hospital when we had free service and care available. She stopped bringing it up and days later she had a scheduled cs at a the local hospital and I wasn’t allowed to be at the hospital and I respected her wish.
The guy didn’t see his wife and newborn son until she returned from the hospital, and he says he was “shocked” that she did as promised, and used her maiden name for the birth certificate:
I immedietly went off on her but she said I caused this and claimed I was obviously favoring my oldest over my youngest before he was even born. I said she was dead wrong and called her petty and vengeful for doing this purely to punish me solely for the fact that I was unable to afford a private hospital.
Her family watched and she told me to step out of the room but I said we weren’t finished talking. She started crying and her mom got involved and told me to step out because I was stressing her daughter out. I had an argument with her too and asked if she approves of any part of her daughter’s behavior and she just shook her head telling me to calm down and give her some time to rest.
He goes on to say that his parents are mad at his wife as well and are calling her “unhinged and toxic.”
Now, a lot of people voted on the wife and not the OP as being in the wrong here—after all, it’s not her money to take and that college fund is something the teen will need very soon. How dare she? But some cooler heads read this story and felt like there was some info missing.
“How much is OP putting in the fund a month?” asked commenter Valuable-Dog-6794. “Is it interfering with his ability to contribute financially in other areas? Could they have taken out a loan? Could he have pulled together some money and asked his and her parents for the rest to make it up? He straight up said no, end of discussion. That’s wrong.”
They continued, “Most women don’t know they’ll have to get a C-section until an issue arises. Perhaps she was fine with the public hospital (vaginal birth) until the doctor told her she’d need a scheduled C-section. Birth injuries and birth trauma can cause lifelong issues. OP straight up dismissed every concern and told her to suck it up. That’s not okay.”
Others were wondering why it was so horrific that she’d give the baby her maiden name.
“Yeah and tbh everyone’s outrage that she dare put her name on her child’s BC reeks of male entitlement,” wrote throwawayturdbomb. “It’s his name or hers and she put hers. Yes they should have agreed but they also should have agreed in her healthcare in the birth of their son, and he did not do that. He left her out in the cold at the moment she needed him most for the sake of principles. On paper, yes they shouldn’t have used the money from that fund. But in reality a good partner would find another way and would certainly do everything to be there for the birth of their child despite recent arguments.”
The most upvoted comment on why OP is in the wrong is from throwawayturdbomb and goes right for the jugular:
Wow I guess I’m the only one here, so bring on the down votes, but YTA.
Your wife is about to give birth to her first child, she is worried that the quality of health care that she will receive in this incredibly painful and vulnerable moment in her life is not good enough.
Instead of taking her seriously, trying to understand why she is concerned and potentially brainstorming for other ways to get the money to pay for the treatment, you laugh in her face and tell her she “should be fine with the free stuff”, sure, easy for you to say as it’s not your vagina that will potentially burst open, and then get pissed the kid doesn’t get your last name like it’s 1950.
You’re a huge ass and I hope she divorces you.
Since the kid doesn’t have his name, it sounds like she’s already planning on it.