Sometimes issues between two people seem like they’re about one thing, but they’re actually about another, and that’s what I think is going on in this post from r/relationship_advice. In it, the OP is a woman who seems to be really upset about how her boyfriend spends his money, but I think she’s really upset about the way it makes her feel about herself.
“I (28F) feel bitter about how much my boyfriend (30M) is willing to spend on an engagement ring,” she wrote as the title ThrowRA_Fun-Escape.
“Hi reddit, I don’t know if I’m looking for any real advice here but I want to get this off my chest,” she begins. Then she explains she and her boyfriend were talking about engagements and getting married and he was apparently shocked by how expensive they were and mentioned that the cheapest diamonds start at $1500. He then told her that he’d be much more likely to buy the cheapest ring he could, naming $3k versus $6k as an example.
Now 3k may not sound like a small amount of money, but here’s the context, he makes 120k a year with about $6500 take home after tax each month, and I make 250k a year, so it’s safe to say I’m not marrying him for the money. The upsetting part is he spent 80k on his truck, recently just bought a 5k tent, and now is talking about getting a boat in the future for 13k.
I feel really bitter every time he talks about this boat of his dreams to the point I just don’t feel like talking to him right now, I feel he’s being cheap when it comes to making me happy and I don’t feel as important as his interest or hobbies, it’s even made me question if he’s really the right person to marry.
I mean, maybe he’d not? Those purchases are big and expensive and it makes sense he is spending more money on a truck than a ring. However, if something your partner is doing is making you feel like crap and you can’t even talk to them about it, that’s more of an issue than the money.
The story made its way to Twitter, where people were pretty divided. Some thought she was being really gross, rich, and entitled. Others thought that anyone can want whatever it is that they want—but you can’t always get it:
Love is complicated, and money makes it even more so. If you’re not on the same page about both with your partner, it’s definitely an issue.