There really isn’t any good way to die, but still, the Darwin Awards exist for a reason. Some deaths are just extremely more stupid than others.
Fortunately, many people who could have easily found themselves slipping out of this existence for an incredibly lame reason managed to survive, a little worse for wear but with an iconic story to tell future acquaintances — including those on Reddit.
“What is the stupidest way you almost died?” is the topic of conversation on AskReddit at the moment, and some of these will give you serious Final Destination flashbacks. And make you rethink your own choices.
Almost got my head squashed by a car due to a small pebble making me fall on the main road.KingFisher0424
Drove on an interstate during a hurricane and watched all the cars around me get submerged.Soft-Caterpillar-618
I snorkelled too far out into the ocean, and it wasn’t because it was a riptide, I just got distracted by pretty fish.disneyisinatlantis
Cut my inner ankle on a glass cup. For those who don’t know, an artery is there and I literally sliced through it. Almost bled out. Thankfully didn’t though!Evelephantt
I choked on a lifesaver…my moms solution was to pour burning hot water down my throat to try to melt it…yam_Loconut
I stuck my head in a random beaker to sniff something in chem lab, I have been very good about wafting since.plrbear237
Grown adult and choked on mozzarella cheese. Was only alone for 20 minutes. Can’t imagine the obituary.outtsideyerhouse
I coughed. Dislocated my C1-C2 vertebrae and spent 6 months in a body halo. Idk how close to death that counts, but be careful when you cough.LilCRapTherapist
Came very close (about two inches) to backing into a warehouse rack full of two ton coils of sheet metal when I didn’t realise that my forklift was in reverse.seefith
Unplugging the washing machine with wet hands. My hand slipped onto the prongs while they were still partially in the outlet, and I think my heart stopped for a second before I yanked the plug free. Definitely do not recommend.pseudosiren
I almost drowned in the sea as a kid. A current pushed me away from the shore. Lifeguards saved me and were slapping my face. I thought it was a punishment but they were resuscitating me.aceh40
Pneumonia from the flu at 21. ER said had I waited longer I would have gone into cardiac arrest, I’m asthmatic. I didn’t have insurance despite working full time as a Video store Manager and was trying to avoid debt (USA obviously).medusamarie83
Choked on a small potato at the Pizza Hut salad bar. Completely lodged in my throat. I raced to the loo and shoved my fingers down my throat, and it popped out. Walked back to my table and finished my salad.ScarlettWilson13
While drunk, I sat down outside…to rest for a moment…on a freezing cold Winter’s night. Fortunately, a passerby noticed me and encouraged me to get inside. I figure I was probably there dozing for several minutes.humorous_anecdote
I didn’t look before I crossed the street. Walked backwards while talking to my friend got hit by a van. I wasnt wearing my medic alert bracelet to warn the paramedics and hospital that I’m allergic to demerol, because “it looks dumb and gets caught on my backpack, besides what are the chances I’d ever be given that?” The chances, it turns out, are pretty good if you get hit by a van going full speed hard enough to nearly rip your foot off at the ankle.Abalone_Admirable
When I was a kid, I dipped my toes into a flooded creek to “see how it felt.” Proceeded to get sucked into said creek and nearly washed away. Thankfully, the creek had some overgrown areas, and I was able to cling to a tree in the middle of the floodwater and scream for help…What makes this extra stupid was that I was trying to prevent my friend at the time from doing the same thing.Nuwisha_Nutjob
I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I was getting off the school bus and was walking around to the other side to my driveway. Suddenly the bus driver hits the horn, scared the hell out of me and I stopped at the edge of the front of a bus and a dump truck good speeding around. I dunno if the dump truck driver didn’t see the lights of the bus or whatever but that driver made a dumb mistake that could have cost me my life.Psyco_diver
Stuck my head out the car window bc I wanted to see why dogs loved it. My grandpa didnt notice, rolled up the window, and I choked. He freaked out when he heard the cat like noises (ironic) I was making while my neck was trying to squeeze through the small opening of the window, but kept raising the window in his panic. Eventually he got it and I was left with a red mark on my neck and no closer to understanding dogs.guppied
I was at a Waterpark in Texas with one of those super tall, straight down slides. They had multiple signs saying things like “DO NOT PUSH OFF BEFORE SLIDING DOWN!” me being an 18 year old idiot and wanting to race my friend, I decided to push off. That extra push started my slow-motion, airborne flight over the slide. I was then staring 100ft down at concrete and my other friend who had his jaw open. What felt like minutes later, I smacked back down onto the slide and made my way down to the bottom. Thank God for the engineers that planned for suicidal idiots like myself.cmoorecubs
Swam under a shipyard pier at night (solid concrete above me) and lost my sense of direction. Got lucky and found my way out.
Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes, awards, and words of encouragement. To add more detail – A friend and I were “assault swimmers” attacking a ship for a training exercise at night. We would swim from pier pylon to pylon underwater. Take a breath, go under, push off, and swim ~20′ to the next pylon, surface and repeat. My mask broke and I was doing it with my eyes closed due to having contacts at the time. One time I just kept swimming and felt like I missed the pylon. When I went to slowly broach the surface I found myself under the concrete above. I had no idea the pier was even built like that. Put my hands up and oriented myself. It looked dark in all directions but my gut told me to the right is where I came from. After that, I stayed on the surface! Cheers!bomb-diggity-sailor