Patricia Grisafi
Men, listen. Don’t get defensive. You do some creepy things that scare women. It’s time to get aware and change your behavior.
Calling out to women in the street? Stop. Following women to get their number? Don’t do it. Blocking a woman in a room or standing in front of a door? Why are you doing that? Refusing to take “no” for an answer? Come on.
On Reddit, women are sharing things that men do that scare them—and it’s not ideal that the same things keep coming up.
Do better! You can change!
1. Following women to their car
“Following you to your car to get your number. Don’t. Ever. Do. That.” — dadadawn
2. Blocking doors
“Standing in doorways/blocking exits.” — justwannahelp722
3. Asking strangers for personal info
“Flirting is fun so long as you don’t ‘flirt’ by asking me where I live, and if I live alone, and (as an expat) if I know people in the area. If you want to chat, flirt, get to know me? Don’t start with the questions that set off alarm bells in my head.” — wanderingprose
4. Being overly friendly or touchy
“I’ve been approached several times in public by random men who say they want to be friends with me.
One leaned in really close to have a conversation and asked me where I was from and where I live. Another grabbed my hands and remarked on how soft my skin is. Another one literally locked arms with me and dragged me to a coffee shop to ‘get to know me’ and then later told me to come with him to a more private place for a view of the city.
I weakly joke about it sometimes but in the moment it really does make me nervous. I don’t know if I just look really unimposing (I’m an Asian woman but I’m taller than average?) but I’m not sure why it happens. Regardless, please don’t just grab random women, even out of friendliness, and respect personal space.” — kerbula
5. Bringing up the r-word
“While talking online and I say, ‘I don’t know about meeting up’ and their response is ‘You are more likely to be raped by someone you actually know in person.’ Yup… Not meeting up now.” — curious-lycanthrope
6. Complimenting strangers
“Calling them beautiful as much as possible. Once or twice is nice, if you know them, but if you don’t know the guy and he says it too much it freaks me out.” — toitnups1111
7. Using your size to intimidate
“Blocking my path or physically holding me in place if they are not done talking to me. Basically, using more strength/size to restrict my motion in any way.” — uncool4skool
8. Approaching women in tight spots
“Hit on you in locations where you cannot escape (enclosed places like elevators, or work places).” — ImproveOrEnjoy
9. Telling them how “nice” you are
“Any time someone tries really hard to convince me he’s a ‘nice guy.’ Every guy I’ve met that desperately brings it up every chance he gets isn’t usually very nice. It always makes me wonder what are they trying to hide? Like why do I have to think you’re nice? Prove it with your actions, don’t tell me repeatedly.” — ElectricPinkMango
10. Physically “joking” with them
“‘Jokingly’ using your strength to move me or keep me from moving. If I want to go home and you’re pulling me back I am not actually going along with it, you are stronger than I am and I literally cannot leave.” — esthermyla
11. Getting road rage
“Driving really aggressively and having road rage. When I was younger and dating I had so many experiences as a passenger with young guys who were otherwise normal but really intense and scary when they got behind the wheel. It always seemed like a red flag.” — brazziere
12. Setting up dates in secluded areas
“Wanting to go to a secluded location if I don’t know you well. People on Tinder would suggest going on hikes or taking a walk after dinner on first dates. Didn’t even cross their minds that I would not want to be alone with them on a date.” — jittery_raccoon
13. Touching women in customer service
“Touching you in any way without permission, even if it seems harmless to you. Unfortunately that happens rather often in retail.
Don’t touch my shoulder when you talk to me. Don’t stroke my hair. Don’t caress my hand when you give me your money. Don’t touch my ass or my boobs or anything at all! Please respect my personal space.
It freaks me out when male strangers come near me and touch me in any way. It gets extra creepy when they start to compliment me and won’t stop trying to ‘befriend’ me. Your compliment in those situations doesn’t make me happy, they scare me.
I need to leave my work later and I am scared that you will wait for me outside and catch me.” — lavendelfee
14. Violent “jokes”
“Joking about mugging or assaulting us.
I was on the subway, returning home, and a group of tall guys were watching me play my Switch. One of them decided to swagger right up behind me, so that he was *breathing over my shoulder* while his friends joked about ‘let’s mug and assault her for that Switch.’
I’m less than 120 lbs. It wouldn’t take much to force me against a wall and I couldn’t escape. I could easily be mugged, beaten, raped.
I was surrounded by people, thankfully, but having one of them in my personal space, while his buds laughed about “assaulting” me had me terrorized the entire commute home. They got off at the same station I did, so I used a completely different exit and took a detour to shrug them off — I didn’t want them knowing which direction I normally used.” — SilverNightingale
15. Telling women to smile
“More annoying than scary, but telling women to smile.” — ImproveOrEnjoy
16. Not taking “no” for an answer
“Thinking ‘no’ isn’t the final answer. Believing that with a little more convincing and I’ll say yes. It makes me believe you don’t respect me and worries me how far you will go after I say no.” — FrogInSnow
17. Spamming Instagram likes
“Liking every single picture with my face on instagram in a period of like 2 minutes.” — Shy_raspberry
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