Gwenhwyfar Frazier
A 21-year-old addiction and trauma survivor named Eve recently gave the internet a pep talk. The subject: why you should definitely have sex on the first date.
Drawing from her own experience, Eve explains that she had “10-15 dates” with someone before doing the deed, because they were “taking it slow”—and, to hear her tell the tale, results were pretty disastrous in the boudoir. She had asked her partner well in advance about any kinks he might have; he told her he had none.
Then, in the act, he whipped out some dirty talk that revealed his breeding kink, repeatedly asking Eve—with no warning or context—if she was ready for him to get her pregnant. Baby-making talk in the bedroom, with no discussion beforehand, would be enough to freak out just about anyone.
“You don’t just spring that on somebody!” Eve exclaims as she narrates the situation for viewers, now addressing the camera. She’s definitely 100% in the right, here—and she knows it, as she continues, “What the f—k [did that guy] want me to say? ‘Yeah, you wanna pay for my abortion?’ ‘You wanna be a single dad, yeah!’? WHAT. THE. F—K?!”
“Months of getting to know this guy? Of getting deep with him? Getting personal with him? Out the door,” Eve sums it up.
She’s not wrong. Although, as she herself says in the comments section, the real problem in the situation was this dude’s total dishonesty when asked directly about his sexual preferences and kinks. And other TikTokers backed her up.
Like Eve, we’re not into slut-shaming, or kink-shaming—or demisexual shaming (as in, there is nothing wrong with waiting, either). The simple truth is that people should enjoy themselves by getting down to it whenever and however everyone involved actively wants to.
There are objectively no “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” beyond responsibility, communication, and clear, enthusiastic, uncoerced consent. (Everyone on earth would do well to remember that if consent is reluctant, unclear, coerced, age-inappropriate, or impossible to give, then it isn’t consent.)
And, as Eve suggests, sometimes it may be possible to test the waters by diving right in! However, there are downsides to that approach, too (including increased risk of sexual violence and STD exposure).
Bottom line, though: don’t have sex with people who lie to you. Or to themselves, about who they really are.