It’s important to remember that a good lover is very different from a good roommate. There is a lot of strife in otherwise happy relationships over things like dirty dishes and vacuuming and taking out the trash. These are the things that make up life, after all, and it’s hard to think sexy thoughts about someone who always makes you clean the toilet.
Even so, Redditor u/napsandhugs wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing when she decided she couldn’t move in with her boyfriend.
“AITA for refusing to teach my boyfriend to do basic household chores?” she asked subreddit r/AmItheA–hole.
She explained she is 20, her boyfriend is 24 and they’ve been thinking about moving in together. She lives alone and he lives with his parents.
Here’s the problem, in a different conversation he dropped ‘I’d wear a nice shirt out, but I don’t know if my mom has done laundry yet.’ I was surprised, and asked him if his mom always did his laundry. That’s how this conversation started.
Turns out, his mom does everything. And I do mean everything. He can’t cook anything, doesn’t know how to clean anything, never had to budget his money..
I told him I didn’t want to move in with him until he could at least do the basic things. I’m scared of taking on the teacher/mom role in the relationship, and not being able to escape it, if that makes sense.
After realizing he can barely wipe his own butt, she said he needed to work on learning some of the cleaning basics somewhere else before she could move in with him. She was happy to go over some cooking stuff with him, but that’s it.
He doesn’t like that, at all. He’s annoyed that I don’t trust him to learn these things, and that I don’t want to teach him, so I must not care about him that much.
I genuinely like him, but I’m pretty busy. I’d rather spend our time together hanging out, than showing him how to vacuum or do laundry. Plus I just don’t enjoy taking on that role.
AITA for not wanting to teach him, and wanting to wait to move in until I know he can (and will) do some things?
Commenters did not think she was the problem in this situation. They actually thought she handled it perfectly and many warned her not to give in. Living with someone who can’t take care of themselves and becoming their caretaker will sour the relationship overnight.
Stand strong, sister! There are other boyfriends out there who can move a mop across the floor.