People Are Sharing The Most B.S. Excuses They’ve Ever Heard (15 Posts)

A good excuse is like finely crafted art. A bad excuse? Humiliating.

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On Reddit, folks are sharing the most bullsh*t excuses they’ve ever heard, and people need to start being more creative and doing their research.

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If you’re going to call out of work because you have an “important appointment at XYZ” make sure that XYZ is actually open on that day! And stop blaming your bad behavior on your astrological sign! That’s not a thing!


“Used to work in a pub and another member of staff came in for drinks on his birthday. He got absolutely twatted, passed out and puking drunk. Next day his mum rang in sick for him and told us he had scarlet fever.” — SparkieMark1977

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“I didn’t think you’d find out.” — nameless_john_smith


“‘I wasn’t driving dangerously, I was swerving to the music.’ — F**king moron who we fired for having numerous driving complaints. It’s not often that I want to punch someone in the face because they’re just that stupid, but that boy sure fit the bill.” — LookOutForThatMoose


“‘I’m too busy” (said by a coworker multiple times a day who spends most of her workday on Facebook and texting).” — erraticinsomniac

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“I’ve owned a small body shop for about 10 years.

Customer: No way this is way to high. Are you trying to rip me off? The owner wouldn’t be very happy about that. Can I talk to Joe?

Me: He retired about 10 years ago. I’m the owner now.

Customer: Well, I’ve brought at least a dozen cars to Joe over the last 30 years and he would never write an estimate like this for ME!

Me: Hm…Joe’s my dad and I’ve worked here my whole life. I’m sorry I don’t remember you. If you’d like I could call him and you can talk to him. He just might be on his boat in Florida.

Customer: No. I wouldn’t want to bother him. You just look too young to be the owner here.

[Bingo, he was just trying to intimidate me, jerk]

Has happened several times over the years. Some people actually do know my dad, but if I don’t recognize them, they probably don’t know him very well at all.” — mm1332


“‘Maybe I was wrong but I got heated.’ You stalked a woman for three weeks, vandalized her car to the point that it was undriveable, posted poorly photoshopped explicit images of her on Facebook, and publicly threatened to kill her preteen sons in a very specific manner, because her ‘acting suspicious’ of you cheating (which you were) got you ‘heated?'” — sleepwalkfromsherdog


“I was just kidding.” — SailingmanWork

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“‘I had to walk my dog’ — a friend who was moving away and didn’t show up for his own going away party.” — ToothbrushGames


“‘We are experiencing unusually high call volumes.’ ALL THE TIME?! It’s not unusual. You’re just too cheap to hire some more people.” — Tahoeclown


“I’m just a [astrological sign] I can’t help it.” — IFKETOFATTY

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“It wasn’t in the budget.” — Thomas-Da-Train


“At my warehouse we have a ‘sweeping schedule.’ Everyone is required to pick a day and a time (A.M. or P.M.) to sweep the floors, and nobody is excluded. 64 year old boss man himself goes out there and sweeps every Monday and has for 20 years. New employee shows up for training. Tell him about the sweep schedule. He says, ‘Oh I’m not doing that s**t. That’s emasculating and I ain’t no bitch. Don’t we have some women or some foreigners for that?’ Boss man overhears. ‘Listen son, if you can’t push a broom, you can’t do jack s**t.’ Then he points at a sign above the exit…the sign reads: ‘If you can’t do jack s**t, get the f**k out.'” — TheRuneCoon


“Because I am older and I said so.” — shadman1312

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“‘I only hit on you so that you would come out to me. I’m not actually gay bro.’ — A closeted jock in high school. He also asked for my Snapchat and would ask for nudes but then told all his friends that he just wanted to add me as a joke. Sure, Zach.” — Adrzz11


“I have to return some video tapes.” — Meganoyo

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