Alison Sullivan
When sex goes well, it usually makes a boring story and an enjoyable memory. When sex goes bad, it’s the perfect thing to add to a thread on Reddit.
This one was posted by u/Rocker9835, who asked, “Have you ever practically walked out mid-sex? What happened?”
Not sure what I expected, but some of the reasons people stopped having sex mid-act aren’t something I could make up if I wanted to. Basically, anything that could go wrong has to these people. Sometimes it’s the fault of someone involved, sometimes it’s unfortunate timing, and often it involves an animal or sudden nosebleed.
These stories will either make you terrified of absolutely absurd stuff happening during sex, or give you some relief: these people got through awkward boner killers. So can you.
1.
She kept insisting that I didn’t need a condom, “Im infertile” was among her excuses.. Like i just met you on Tinder I ain’t raw dogging it. I just walked out. We didn’t do anything. —-anime-tiddies
2.
My wife headbutted me when tussling around in bed. Didn’t think much of it. Kept going, switched position with me on top. She commented that I was drooling on her face.
Thing is I’m not a dog, so I wasn’t drooling at all. Wiped my face with the back of my hand which came back wet.
Lights on. Blood all over the place. My nose was bleeding. I had bled in her eye…
Not as much a walk out since we still went to sleep together, but sex wasn’t on the menu for the rest of the evening. —Weedle13
3.
We hadn’t gotten very far, but I quickly moved down while she quickly moved up, and I broke my nose on her pelvic bone.
She suddenly flipped the absolute f-ck out, screaming at me about “ruining our night” as blood gushed out of my nose.
Mind you this was like the second date. She continued to yell at me about how I needed to fix this (a total accident) and I just cleaned myself up the best I could and went home. —SynchronizedCalamity
4.
This wasn’t the guys fault. I was bouncing on his dick and I accidentally bit my bottom lip really hard when I bounced. I started bleeding profusely on his chest and down my chin. We both stopped and ran to the bathroom. —AJD2242
5.
I did walk out. She bit my nipple so hard that it bled, and called me a p-ssy when I complained about it… —Smuckinfartass
6.
Yep
My boyfriend said he felt something hit his back like it dropped and hit hardish and move so we stopped and I check and nothing was there so we continued.
About a minute later I had my hand on my boyfriends shoulder and I feel something move on my hand I look and a huge house spider comes running over onto my face .
I screamed my boyfriend looked he sees the spider slaps it off my face and the pair of us get up and nope ourselves out the room throwing clothes on as we go danm 8 legs ruined our evening lol —corruptcoot
7.
Old gf, I was down under and noticed an metallic taste. It was dark but I wiped my face and my fingers were red. Well my dumbass asked if it was that time of the month, she said no.. so I scoot to the bathroom, and it looks like I’m painted for clown school.
I get all cleaned up but I couldn’t figure it out. Then it hit me.. nose bleed. So I go back to my room, explain, she’s crying because she didn’t know what was going on. I calm her down and she goes to shower. 10/10 do not recommend. —cdn121
8.
The guy kept asking if he could remove the condom. “But I’m clean, I’ve been tested like 2 weeks ago! You can trust me!”
Yeah, right. After maybe the 6th or 7th time I got so pissed of I just up and left. —Gourdass
9.
I had an ex say her last boyfriends name in the middle of the act. I wasn’t even insulted because I knew she was a drama queen and the way she said it was so over the top.
“Oooooh my gooooooood ex’s name, you are amazing. Never stop!” in a way that no real life human speaks outside of movies.
I wouldn’t have been mad if it had been accidental, mistakes happen, but the fact that she was doing it intentionally so she could have a dramatic scene straight out of The Notebook or some other garbage romance movie. —SLUPumpernickel
10.
Once i was going down on someone i had slept with only once prior, and when i touched his balls i felt little bumps on them (all over).
I pretty much froze, thought it was an STD and panicked.
I left the room as gracefully as possible and we talked about it after.
Turns out it was fatty lumps that he’s had since childhood and been checked numerous times. Don’t know the medical name for it. Not an STD. —eleonora6
11.
I once regrettably dated a woman who was with me purely to upset her conservative parents. We were having sex in her bedroom and she began shouting as loudly as she could. I asked her to stop, but she said she wanted them to hear us.
That was not my idea of fun, so I stopped. She sobbed like a child because I didn’t want to take part in her weird fantasy. —F-cktheroyalfamily
12.
I met up with a couple at a hotel for a threesome. After things started the girlfriend didn’t want to join in so she stayed fully clothed just sitting on the other bed watching. The guy was getting too aggressive eating me out and then started pressuring me hard for penetration.
I realized if I allowed things to continue I was going to regret it so I just got up out of bed and said I wasn’t comfortable to continue and got dressed and left. Turned into a really awkward situation but I’m proud of myself for speaking up and leaving. —ismokethejoink
13.
Girl just started slapping the sh—t out of me; Slapped me soft. Like… You can’t ask me, first? I coulda told you no and saved us some time. —uuuuuhhhh_okay
14.
I actually did walk out. i was hooking up with this girl and she says something about her boyfriend while we are undressing eachother and making out. i explain I dont need to be murdered in some cheating senorio.
she explains its her EX bf so we are back on. Going at it for a few minutes and lining up for the landing when she says “i’m going to turn on my flip so I can send him a video”.
Instant soft and I let myself out explaining I aint getting shot. —suitology
15.
Not only that, I’ve fallen asleep. Our relationship wasnt the best, and when I’d get home she would pounce ontop of me. As things went downhill, so did my energy, and soon I found myself sleeping during the more relaxed positions lol —LittleBrassTurtle
16.
It wasn’t technically mid-sex but I was newly single and trying to sex away my sorrows on tinder. After swiping for a while I linked with a chick and she was very forward and wanted to get down to business so I gave her my address to come over.
She shows up with a baby… like probably 3 to 4 months old…then proceeds to tell me she will set the baby up on the chair in the corner of the room while we do the deed.
I had a microscopic studio apartment so she might as well have just wanted to place the baby on top of my head. Long story short I politely declined her services and deleted tinder. —SpiritualAssociate11
17.
I realized she looked like a cousin. I couldn’t keep going. —nievesdelimon
18.
Yes, during sex my ex-boyfriend grabbed my stomach fat and said I needed to get rid of it
Edit: I did walk out —fredndolly12
19.
I didn’t walk out, but I was carried out. On a stretcher. By paramedics.
Backstory for anyone interested: I have severe endometriosis so sex can be agonising at times. I felt a flare coming on but stupidly decided having sex would be ok. It was all going well until I suddenly felt a tearing/popping sensation on my left side. The pain followed about 2 seconds later. At which point I screamed, then lost consciousness.
Apparently I started to choke on my own vomit so my partner called an ambulance. I was taken to the hospital, were I was informed that I’d had a cyst that had ruptured. It would have burst eventually, the sex just hurried things along. The doctor thought it was funny. So that’s the story of the time my sexual activity was interrupted by a medical emergency. —TheCounsellingGamer
20.
Yes. My gf at the time was on top of me and i noticed a rather fresh hicky on her left breast…. She had been in florida for the 2 weeks leading up and just got home that day.
Asked her “uhm whats that?” And she lied horrendously saying it was claw marks from her dog…. Shaped like human teeth? Rrriiggghhttt.
Told her to get off me, ripped off the condom and said good night. Sex is great but its hard to stay in the mood after piecing together you were clearly cheated on and then lied to about it —Kevo55
21.
It was after a date, we went back to his place, foreplay had gone nicely so we were continuing on to sex and he tried going in without a condom. I stopped him and asked what he thought he was doing, he stared at me super confused and was like “um, don’t you want to have sex?”
I pointed out the lack of condom, he said he was fine without one, I told him it wasn’t happening without a condom, he said he didn’t have any laying around, I told him I had some in my purse and if he didn’t like the brand or whatever then we could go to the store and get some he liked.
He said it’s killing the mood so I told him not to worry about the mood, got halfway dressed and left. When I was a few blocks away from his house I finished getting dressed and went to a store, picked up a magazine, bought a face mask, and some stuff for a bubble bath. Turned out to be a pretty nice night when I got home. —2baverage
22.
Finally met a guy I’d worked with for years, phone-based and we’d flirted continuously since we’d ‘met’
Went back to his, had the most mind-blowing, desperate sex I’ve ever had. Just as we came to the grand finale, his kids walked in.
He forgot to tell me he had them this weekend, we most likely woke them up. We probably woke everyone within a 5 mile radius, I won’t lie.
He went to put them back to bed and I got dressed and left. It freaked me out to think that they may have seen us. —LeonardBetts88
23.
Yup. With my wife. While she was on top, I tried to sneak out a fart and instead shit the bed…literally. There was no way to wrap it up and then rush her out so I could discretely clean up.
So I just said “babe wait, my stomach hurts” she laughed and said “oh is that what that was? I’ll get you a towel.” Love that woman! —Obiwan_ca_blowme
24.
My Ex GF went with me to a minor league baseball game years ago and they held a ghost pepper wings eating contest during the game.
Eat the lot and survive 15 minutes without water and you’re the winner. I considered myself a daredevil in the day and signed up. I won over all and got my name announced and won some gear.
My ex was pretty impressed and I felt like the man. We headed home after I drank copious amounts of water and washed my mouth out. I even brushed my teeth once we were home.
We were finally alone and getting hot and heavy. Thinking I’m being a generous lover I go down on her, suddenly she yells and runs to the bathroom. Even hours later and my mouth feeling fine, the scovilles transfered to her nether regions and caused her a good bit of pain until she took a shower.
Understandably she was no longer in the mood. Became a very funny story for us both even after splitting up and remaining friends. —stwiz
25.
I had just come out of the closet a few weeks beforehand, met a guy at a bar, was sorta nervous when he invited me back to his but thought I’d go with it. It was one of my first sexual experiences with a guy.
When we get down and dirty and he whips it out and tells me to go down on him, I’m still super nervous but excited and start sucking dick like I was born for it.
Dude gets his phone out and starts playing f—king CANDY CRUSH.
I took his dick out of my mouth, just silently dressed while he shouted questions at me, and left. —goodintent
26.
I was on my back, she was on top. Her cat took a shit on the pillow next to my head. We laughed but couldn’t get back into the mood. —satans_sparerib