Patricia Grisafi
Being pregnant is not easy. The further along you get, the harder it is to do everyday activities without feeling uncomfortable. You’re moody as heck, crying one minute and giddy the next.
Cravings are no joke. But unless your doctor says you need to stay in bed for serious health reasons, it’s really not fair to put all the burden of housekeeping and working on your spouse.
One Redditor, who has taken over all house duties as well as working full-time because his pregnant wife is “taking it easy” is reaching the breaking point.
His wife doesn’t seem to appreciate his picking up extra duties.
“My (29M) wife (27F) is 24 weeks pregnant and so far it has been a fairly easy pregnancy (according to her and her doctor, not making assumptions of course). I have done my best to be a good husband. I work full time, started doing all the chores (cooking/cleaning/pet care), and of course try my best to accommodate her cravings. She has been taking it easy and spends most of her day relaxing. She says she’s ‘never felt better,'” the OP writes.
“Being completely honest, I’m starting to get a little burnt out. I love my wife and want her to be comfortable while pregnant but working full time and doing 100% of the chores is very draining. I recently had two separate conversations asking if she’d be willing to do a 80/20 chore split instead, but both times she got offended. She says that it would stress her out and possibly harm the baby, which scared me (I don’t want anything to happen to our baby), so of course I didn’t push it.”
The OP says that yesterday morning, his wife asked him to go to the store for fruit snacks. At 2am. He said he was sorry, but he was too exhausted to go.
“She did not like this answer. First she tried to beg more but I kept saying no. This went on for a half hour. Then she started crying and telling me what a shit husband I was being. She also said she’s ‘scared to see me as a father if this is how selfish I am.'”
“I snapped at her. I told her I’ve been taking care of 100% of the responsibilities for the past 6 months. She’s been sitting on her phone every single day and hasn’t had to lift a finger. Then I said I was done doing 100% of the chores and we need a more even split because I was losing hair from stress. I will admit I had a tone and was obviously irritated. This caused her to cry more and she kicked me out to the couch. This has caused a huge rift between us. She was pissed at me the entire day and locked me out of the bedroom tonight. My MIL has texted me to call me an asshole. They both said the stress I am putting on my wife will hurt the baby so now I feel super guilty. I need perspective.”
What do Redditors think?
“Most women literally hold on to their full time jobs 6 months into their pregnancy and beyond. Why is she not even capable of doing light housework? The fact that she pulled ‘it would harm the baby’ out of nowhere at being asked to take on even the smallest of responsibility is so manipulative. Her saying you not bending to her whims makes you a bad father was totally out of line too. Never forget, you are both the child’s parents. You get to evaluate her as a mother and as a spouse as much as she does you. What does her current behavior say about what kind of mother and partner she is,” asked DaisyInc.
“Have been pregnant four times, all high risk, and not once has my doctor told me not to do regular household chores. If anything, he encouraged it because it kept me active and reduced the amount of issues I could have. Although there are certain things she should not be doing (anything involving inhaling chemicals, like bleach or bathroom cleaner), changing a litterbox, and anything physically strenuous (shoveling snow, carrying a large vacuum up the steps), and any general health concerns that she shouldn’t have been doing before getting pregnant if any, should be avoided. UNLESS she has a doctor/midwife tell her explicitly not to do anything then light chores can still be done. Now, on the other hand, pregnancy can be extremely fluctuating between even five minutes. She could be better than better at 1:00 and by 1:01 she could be in serious pain and throwing up. You will never be TA for setting personal boundaries as far as her demanding a snack in the middle of the night. I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant with my fourth and I have a broken spine and doing most housework. She has no excuse if her doctor OKs it and she isn’t in pain or too sick (which you would be able to tell. Pregnancy issues aren’t exactly subtle),” said legendarywildchicken.
“NTA. She’s pregnant, not on her death bed. Pregnant women can still do stuff, even simple house work. Single mums manage it just fine. Obviously some chores that require chemicals or certain movements /positions etc aren’t as feasible, but something like washing the dishes or hovering or something isn’t gonna cause any harm. She’s also being manipulative and using your fear of losing the baby against you. She’s hormonal and going through some things, sure, but you’re also under a lot of pressure and stress and need time to relax, too,” noted HereAndBlank.
“I’m 8 months along now and so far the most I’ve asked of my husband was to take over chores when I was having strong hernia pain (couple of days) or to pick up some takeout on his way from work (because I WFH and we have one car). How could anyone just wake up their partner to go buy them a snack, especially after laying around all day themselves is just completely beyond me,” said KnittingforHouselves.
“Ok so I read the title and was gearing up to say how awful you were being but my god, NTA!! Seriously NTA, she’s pregnant not dying! Look I’ve been pregnant and I know it’s no picnic, but I also worked full time until I was 38 weeks and moved house when I was about 7 months in, which included me carrying boxes and helping paint our new place. Your wife will not miscarry at 24 weeks if she sweeps the floor or you don’t go out at 3am to get her gummy bears. She’s taking advantage of your kindness, this is nonsense,” said invomitous-rex.
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