15 Things Divorced People Say Could Have Saved Their Marriages

divorced people save marriage
u/ItzFruity via AskReddit

Most people know going into marriage that it isn’t an easy thing, but that doesn’t mean everyone knows the best way to work on it when things get rocky. 

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Redditors are hoping others will benefit from their own hard-earned experiences while answering a question posed in r/AskReddit — “Divorced people of Reddit, what could have saved your marriage?”

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Sometimes the answer is ultimately that there isn’t anything to be done. People grow up and grow apart, and that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. But for those who really want to work on their relationship, whether it’s already struggling or just getting started, there may be some nuggets of good advice to be found in these answers.


Say thank you and please for the little things.



Him doing the fucking dishes once in awhile and not lying to me constantly about money.

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All it would have taken though was her working on her mental health that just kept deteriorating and creating unrealistic expectations.



Be willing to make compromises and look at the things from your partner’s perspective, or simply in a way that doesn’t place your views and feelings on a pedestal.

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Never let contempt or resentment grab hold of either one of you. Whatever it is, fix it ASAP. Be vulnerable, be respectful. Once that contempt sets in, it’s pretty much over.



Being aware that marriage should be us as a unit, not me vs them. It took me awhile to process the lesson, but I did better the second time around.

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Him being honest about not wanting to marry me but doing so only because he didn’t want to ‘fess up to his mother that he wasn’t ready.



If his family would have noticed that they were working against me, and our marriage, when they supported his pathetic, man-baby behavior. They ‘get it’ now that he’s living with them.

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Peace isn’t more important than being in a relationship that actually works for you. Not all fights are worth having, but sometimes you need to be disruptive to resolve issues.



I think i should have turned down a few of the travel opportunities with my job to balance things out and be more present. But the money was so good, I thought that would ultimately make us happy.

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Communication. She didn’t tell me she was unhappy for 2 years. I didn’t hear about any real thing she dislikes about the relationship until after she kissed someone else and by then she was too unhappy to work on it.



Intimacy. I just wanted to feel loved and desired. Honestly I could put up with all other other stuff. But not feeling appreciated or valued and never being touched has ruined my self esteem.

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Absolutely nothing. We married young, and 8 years later we were fundamentally different people who would’ve never talked to each other in the first place, had we met then and there. Some marriages are not meant to last.



It annoys my wife who’d rather I just handle it, but I make it a point to tell her about every transaction that moves money between accounts. I know she doesn’t care – but being disciplined about financial transparency is one of the reasons why we trust each other.

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if my ex didn’t give up in therapy, once we identified my personal issues and I started working on it, and things didn’t magically get better. it became apparent that she had issues to work on as well. her response was, and these words are burned into my heart forever…”no….i dont want to work on it anymore….im done.”