People Are Debating If A 30-Year-Old Can Ethically Date A 19-Year-Old And Let’s Just Say There Are Some Spicy Opinions


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I was dating a 33 year old man at 18. He started grooming me at 17. I’m 24 now and even at this age I’ve started to realize how disgusting it would be to try and date someone that young. I would never in a million years think it would be ok for me to date a teenager, let alone at 33?? —dillydallyally97


I dated someone 20 when I was 25 and even that was like drastically different. Like being an adult, and paying bills, starting a career vs someone living at home and being a full time student. It made a huge difference and even though we both eventually were on the same level. There was always something unbalanced in how we started. —imfatletsprty

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When I was 19 I wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal. Butttt I was also a moron when I was 19 lol

Now that I’m 32, I think it’s a bad idea and unfair to the 19 year old. There’s a whole lot of life lived in those short years between 18 and 21/22, and I know for myself, I wasn’t “me” yet. —Meh_Society6


It’s not the age gap, it’s the mind gap —Fogdevil_s


The years between 18 and 23 are the first time most people have their first taste of freedom and responsibility. Everything is developing so fast and life feels like its flying. Then usually somewhere between 23 and 25 most people find their footing and understand their needs and wants.

That isn’t to say it cant work out between a 19 and 30 year old but successful relationships between those ages are usually outliers. —Keudn883

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When I was 19 I dated a 30 y/o. Not quite as big of an age gap, but still pretty significant.

At the time I thought I was so cool and mature, but looking back several years later it was really messed up. I was at a completely different point in my life than he was. He used my immaturity and naivete to pressure me into doing things I was not prepared for, emotionally and physically. He condescended me a lot and acted like I was stupid for liking typical 19-year-old girl things.

Perhaps my ex was an asshole (he was) but I have heard similar stories enough times to be aware that quite often, big age gaps like these when one person is still literally a teenager is a bad idea.

TLDR: yes, most likely a creep. —yomommafool


This. I dated a 30 year old when I was 22 and it was a train wreck. It was fun but no substance, I wasn’t mature enough to be with him. Then I got married at 25 to someone who was 32 and those few years made a world of difference in my maturity. Still married 11 years on and our age is never a thing. —MayaButtreeks1985


I dated a guy who was 30 when I was 19. It didn’t last long and it just didn’t work out. We re-connected when I was 26 and started dating again and 5 years later we are about to get married. —pegolson

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My first boyfriend was 32. I was 19. We were “together” for 3 years. He fucked me up. He did the “we’re close, but I don’t want a commitment.” And I was like “OK!” He must really like me since he’s so much older and wiser. This is what adults do. They don’t commit to each other and everyone just always keep their options open. Plus I was so young and he told me that I wasn’t ready to settle down. He said I was really smart for my age. All of his other girlfriends always went psycho and it was so nice that I was so young and wise and understands things that other girls don’t. And he said he’d pay for my belly button piercing when I lost the weight. So generous. And I was a virgin and he said he always wanted to be someone’s first. Such a f-cking creep. —JamalPancakes


So when I was 15 I started dating a 25 year old. I thought I was cool AF. I had a terrible mom who thought it was totally fine. She loved him. Wanted me to marry him. I eventually broke up with him for whatever childish teenage reason.

I’m 37 now. I have two kids (17 & 19). I 100% would try very hard to not let it happen. I know now why that guy wanted to date me. He manipulated me. Controlled me. Controlled how I dressed. Verbally and emotionally abused me. Etc. no one his age put up with it. I was a vulnerable kid who was used to abuse at home and he took advantage of that. Huge age gaps like that with barely adult children are for one thing only. Control. —nay2829


Personally I think it’s weird. A 19 year old is basically fresh outta highschool, barely an adult mentally. A 30 year old is a full grown adult who is way older mentally and physically.

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Edit: some of the comments seem to thing the 19 year old is the woman. That’s not how it works, its just a 19 year old, gender does not matter here. It could be a 19 year old guy and a 30 year old girl, vise versa, or anything. That shouldn’t change anything —Shadowfire786


When I was 30, I dated a woman who was 39. I still had a college-kid type of apartment and she had an adult apartment. I still couldn’t figure out what I wanted in life (two years of military and lots of grad school) and she was finishing up a doctorate to get a real job. At the time, I just felt too immature for her, so it never went anywhere.
Now she’s 76 and I’m 67, and about every day I regret that I let her go. —BerthaBenz


The younger person should be wary of the kind of person who is in their 30s and is pursuing someone who is still in their teens. Why do they not want someone who is closer to their own age? Is there something that they do that someone who is a bit older would recognize as being a red flag?

I have always been a fan of the old rule “half your age plus 7”, anything outside of that is a bit weird to me.

That being said, I am being a bit hypocritical here, I dated a 32yo woman when I was only 19, and the reason why I mentioned the above red flags to watch out for is because I missed a lot of them during that relationship. —Lau_wings

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