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People Are Debating If A 30-Year-Old Can Ethically Date A 19-Year-Old And Let’s Just Say There Are Some Spicy Opinions

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The heart wants what it wants, but there’s a certain kind of older person whose heart seems to want only the young and inexperienced. While it’s possible for an age gap in a relationship to work out, questioning them has become more common on social media.

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On Reddit, a question from u/hazelnutmacchiato1 got very specific about that gap when they asked, “What is your opinion on a 30-year-old dating a 19-year-old?”

The vast majority of commenters seem to have a very negative opinion of those relationships, unless they’re actually in one. While many said that 11 years isn’t a huge gap between two people when they’ve had more time to grow up—both of them! When you’re 19, you haven’t even gotten through your college years, you probably haven’t lived on your own, and somebody over the age of 25 is likely in a completely different life stage from you. There will always be a power imbalance there and some of the folks who have been in that exact situation shared how those power imbalances led to dangerous situations for them.

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Half your age plus seven is a little arbitrary (and still too big a gap) in my opinion, but it does at least keep the people over thirty away from the teens, and that’s a start.

1.

As a 29 yr old I don’t date unless people are 24-25+ It’s more so maturity gap and the phase in which most gals are in. 22-24 right outta college, not really settled down yet and still partying like they’re in college etc. and don’t know what they want. I know not the same for everyone but that’s the main reason. —Shiggs13

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2.

This was me. I (18m) met her (30f) when I was moving into the apt she was moving out of. I was going to school and she, into assisted housing. We were together about a year, and were talking about marriage when my parents asked me to come home, alone one weekend. Stepping away helped me to see all of the possibilities. A fiery breakup ensued. Looking back, the age separation was one of the smaller issues. This was when I learned to walk away. She was done having her adventures. I needed to have my own. —Boba-Fret

3.

I would not. But if a close friend did, I’d advise caution. Power balances and how well they relate to each other could be issues.

I wouldn’t, but to each his own. —CheckYourLibido

4.

One of my hockey’s teammates was in this situation a couple years ago. He was around 30-33 and she was still at University, so around 20-22.

It did not last. She thought that he was boring as fuck and she was always on her phone, texting, instagramming. Even when they were Netflix and chill.

Would be the same for me. —Zemom1971

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5.

age gaps aren’t bad when both parties are fully-fledged adults. a 19 year old just isn’t. —yomommafool

6.

Life stage matters more than actual age. A 55 y.o. and a 44 y.o. are both in midlife, probably similar career stages, life experiences, etc. and that 11-year age gap doesn’t matter as much. But 30 and 19? One is barely out of high school probably living on their own for the first time and the other has been in the “real world” for nearly a decade. Not comparable at ALL. —gingergirl181

7.

I thought it was okay when i was in my 20s but now that im on my 30s its a big no no —timelesscurium

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8.

I dated a 28 yo at 20 and now, being his age, I don’t know what he was thinking. I couldn’t see myself dating a 20 yo, nothing against them it’s just a huge maturity difference.

Realistically he was pretty abusive, so I imagine that was probably why he went for someone younger. —TheLevyIsDry

9.

18, dated a 28 year old. Once I hit that age, no fucking way would I ever date someone that young. Mine was extremely abusive and I know being a naive 18 year old made me a pretty good target. —chipmalfunction

10.

When I was 20 I started dating my now-husband who was 30 at the time. We are now nearly-40 and nearly-50.

When I was 20 I thought I was plenty mature. Looking back I was NOT. There has been a number of things on which our being at different life stages was a much bigger deal than I would have anticipated.

I was very lucky that he is a generous and thoughtful person. It could easily have been otherwise. And without much life experience, I would not have known the difference quickly enough to not get hurt.

The difference really isn’t fair to both parties. It’s a rare situation where it works out ok. I wouldn’t count on it. —Assika126

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